Jason Henke

Are Directors Overratted?

2009-12-15T07:17:00.002-06:00

It's been a long time since posting (much going on, not all good), but there is a great article I wish to pass on to you Are Directors Overratted?

A quote stood out for me as it pretty much sums up a belief I have for both writing and directing:

The most important quality of a director might be invisibility. When viewers are transported by a movie, when they've entered an entirely new world, immersed themselves fully in its milieu and mood and characters, they're in a sort of trance. If at any point the director's presence is felt -- in a too-fancy shot, for example, or a showy piece of editing -- the spell is broken. But if the audience emerges from a movie collectively rubbing their eyes and asking where they just went -- they've just been taken on a journey led by a good director.

I will try to return to blogging more on reclaiming your life, finding your dreams again, and trying to live an artistic rebel life. I will keep them shorter so as not to interfere with my scant free time to actually pursue my own writing, projects, films, and games, but I will try to be around more.

As always: stake your claims in life, plant your flags atop any mountains against you, and storm any and all beaches.

P.S. The health scares, the last year and a half of challenges, stress, and madness are coming to an end. Thank the Gods. It's been quite a rough go, but I've still got my smile and there were still many good things.

Live well, laugh often, love much my friends!
Jason Henke

Am I at the Lip of My 6 Feet? Am I Dying?

2009-08-16T11:22:00.006-05:00

So this is a very odd position and feeling. I’m not sure how to react. I’m not sure if I should be worried…so, I’m in this weird state…it’s almost a detached curiosity—like I’ve found an oddity, a rose crowning a desert dune.

Hell, I have been trying to decide how to share the new situation with people as this could be most bad actually, but it's uncertain and I don't want a lot of melodrama.

It is important to note that this doesn't have to be super serious, and it may be a blip, but the worse case scenario is most bad. I'll have to see what the test at the end of the month ends up showing.

Anyway, I've put off buying anything until that test; as it may be, well, pointless (I almost made 2 major game buys this weekend, but decided that I really shouldn’t). I even just passed up on 2 very great sale opportunities...hopefully, I'll regret that. :)

Instead, when I can snatch any little minutes away from the real work demands, I’ve been writing on the side. Redoing, re-planning the independent film (after a test I did on the sly, I came up with some good results and some major faults…a blog coming on that later). I’m working on my game design and I’ve been plotting out the novels (series) I’m planning and have underway; and, I even have had a couple of short stories pop up into mind…is this all too late though? Will my stories pass with me unbreathed?

I don’t know, I hope not. Just send me out some good vibes, thoughts, and prayers to whatever faiths are yours.

Instead of dancing around it more, here's the low down: my blood work showed my liver throwing off growth markers. How they know that, I have no idea.

It may be a blip, it may not be anything. If it is the worse case scenario, it is cancer and tumor growth.

Now, it is extremely rare for cancer in the liver to be the primary manifestation of the cancer. It's usually the secondary or tertiary manifestation after the cancer has metastasized. I have not, as of yet (and hopefully none of us ever will be), been diagnosed with cancer in any form. Why do I have fear then?

My buddy died from this a couple of years back.
My Grandmother passed from it when I was younger.

The news, and the reactions of the doc/nurses…was a bit alarming (and it came in the middle of major work stress, deadlines, Bruno's health, and the money pressures...ouch).

Worse? I can feel a pressure on my right side that I was aware of for quite awhile but didn’t note in any real way. See, it’s a pressure, not pain. It’s dull and I’d thought it was from sitting funny a lot (I tend to rest on my right elbow), bad posture, and abdominal exercises.

This may not be anything or related in anyway, but I don’t like the seeming correspondence one bit at all.

Here's what's also odd and set off the alarms: My Doctor is a very good one, and a very good guy, so the reaction I got from him was alarming. He was very low key, but you could clearly tell from the nurses--and his delivery--that there is…well, marked concern.

They have asked me to follow a very strict diet—basically meat and water truthfully. I was specifically to be no carb (not low carb) if possible for a month and then we'll retest. No alcohol either of course until the test. I shall be drinking lots of coffee, tea (Roibos and Green), and trying to do anything asked to hopefully help the coming test on August 28th.

They have asked me to do that because when I'd done Atkins before, I lost a ton of weight and it completely changed my blood work…stunningly so.

In my personal case, Weight Watchers did not affect my blood work in any way and I always found that odd. It’s a very healthy plan and I encourage it, but for me--for whatever reason--Weight Watchers was awesome for about 8 months and then it stopped cold…never did affect my blood work though, and I was working out, staying on the plan religiously (I’m very good with instructions)…anyway, I’d stayed on Weight Watchers for another year after this, trying to get it to fire up. It never did.

So I switched to Atkins and the low carb lifestyle. In this one case, in the time I did Atkins, my triglycerides went from having me in the 1% group (read that as the death group) to completely normal. I lost a ton of weight (hit 200lbs, the goal weight).

Why did I stop? Meat. I got sick as hell of it. I burnt out. I gained my weight back. I have no idea why carbs would affect me so badly, but it appears they may. I’ve never eaten badly ever, in fact I barely eat much calorie wise (and when I start any diet, I have to eat way more than I usually do…too much work, not enough health).

Anyway, this very strict new diet for the test kind of sucks as I'm not a huge meat eater on the whole. I'm not vegetarian, but I lean that way (aside from ribs or steak now and again); let me tell you, eating this much meat is hard!

But, I will do whatever is needed. Wish me luck.

If it is cancer and I'm at the lip of my 6 feet, I'll fight as long and hard as I can, but I've yet to see anyone win that battle. I've seen how horrid it gets 3 times in my personal life.

However, I'm not a pessimist; I'm very much an optimist. It will all be due to cheap beer and the blood work will even out.
If it ends up being worse case I will sell almost everything or give it away. I've even been thinking that I could donate everything to a group like big brothers/big sisters, or ask the Source to maintain the library and have open active gaming--in the community...at library events or schools and such--and to advance gaming in the world; I'd simply ask them to maintain the collection and to celebrate a June 8th, “J game day” if I were to pass.

So—if I’m this flaunted optimist--why am I thinking about the rest? It's the strategist in me, the realist, the planner--one must have contingency plans as best as one can. You must be able to roll.

I tell you this in all honesty; this has been an amazingly horrid couple of years. Amazing testings, challenges, stresses, heartbreaks, tears, and yet…through it all…hope, love, and laughs.

Most have been around a table with friends and loved ones over dinner or sharing some game time together.

Live well, laugh often, love much, and hope,
--Jason Henke

Never let story become industrial

2009-05-15T10:48:00.000-05:00

No assembly lines, no steel forms, no widgets. Forge it old school—hammer, dented anvil, & bathed in flame.

--Jason Henke

Nickle and dime to keep it in mind (A.KA. Jotting and Noting when time is sparse for the independentwriter/filmmaker/artist)

2009-02-17T07:32:00.010-06:00

This will not be a shock for any full time day job working aspiring independent writers/movie makers/artists/musicians trying to make a go at their art on the side, but time is sparse for art when you're full into real life.

In fact this is often the main barrier we hit (OK, it's the main challenge constantly meeting me in the field of battle) and how we deal with it can take us from feeling the euphoria of "I'm making a go at it" to throwing us down the deep black holes of the earth and feeling like it's all just a pipe dream. It's a main portion of your artistic life vs. feeling like a day dreamer chasing clouds.

So, my question to everyone is how do you handle it?

How do you keep your dream alive?

How exactly are you suppossed to "keep at it" when you have to hit Home Depot, pick up groceries, do some laundry, fix the drywall, read up on new technologies you have to keep up on at work, eat, shower, commute to work, etc.?

A very real question for us chasing rabbits right? We've all been there and we will be there again.

If you wish to reclaim your dream of creativity (be it art, sculpture, music, writing, movie making, etc.), I think you'll need to get creative. I'm not trying to be glib or cute, I'm trying to be honest.

First off, do not expect a single answer or way to be best. It doesn't matter what you're doing as long as you can keep your inspiration for the project alive and in mind through out the day. If you can take any baby step to progress on it, take it.

For me, I have a couple of nickle and dime approaches to try and keep my mind (and subconscious) churning on the work.

First, I have some small easily portable note books and a pen. This type of thing (Moleskein notebooks, my Palm PDA, your iPhone or G1 even) needs to be quick to use and accessible. You don't want to break your rhythm trying to find the item to jot down an idea or vision. You need to get at it and write it down quickly.

Secondly, I have--in my PDA--a voice memo feature which I've really started to use more. I dictate into it quite quickly when I don't have the ability to pull out the note book and write (say you're driving or something) and then I write down the germane information as soon as I can at a later moment. I will also confess that I've left myself voice mail as well.

Thirdly, when I've got a story or film treatment being worked on (which I do right now) or even a game design, I'll give myself a 'ponderable' for day dreaming in the day. I'll find some angle of the story to ruminate on: why would Clarice do that? What's that about...?

These things are in my mind lately, because my life has been very busy and I haven't been able to get in solid hours for personal projects in the last couple of weeks. So much time is just spent keeping my head above water in daily chores, business life demands, etc.

Remember (at least I have to do this occasionally) not to just get caught up in dreaming about doing your art and reclaiming your dreams--you actually have to do it.

If you can't do it in huge blocks of time because more important real life items are coming up, use what time you can when you can. It's no more complicated than that really. Talk about it to yourself, take the 5 minutes you have standing in line and think about it, jot something down, or give yourself a little dictation on it.

In other words, keep it alive and in mind; nickel and dime it. Whatever you do, don't let it slip a brigand in the night to the open seas. Someone else will take that prize.

Sincerely,
Jason Henke

Highly Time Sensitive Sale: If You Ever Thought of Film or TV Directing Check This Out Today

2008-12-10T06:30:00.003-06:00

Today is Wednesday December 10th, 2008.

This is highly time sensitive and it's a great sale.

If you have ever thought of directing television or film, please take advantage of this sale. I have no affiliation with the company, but Peter Marshall (a working and lasting director) has compiled a ton of useful information that you should check out.

The reason I'm blogging about this is that this huge package is only $7 today! This is massive. Take a shot at it. Learn from it. Use it.

After today the price will rise bit by bit (going up each following day) until it's back to it's normal selling price. Take it while it's cheap!

Peter's blog (often filled with great articles and links) is at: http://filmdirectingtips.com/

The sale for his "Art and Craft of the Director" is at: http://www.actioncutprint.com/audioseminar-aotd1.html

Again, I make no money on this and I have absolutely nothing to do with it at all.

I picked up a copy for myself today as well and I just wanted to share the news.

Live well, laugh often, and love much. Get out there and start your dream!

--Jason Henke

If Money Were No Object, I Would....

2008-12-09T11:21:00.002-06:00

I would go back to my writing, my Independent film making/video making, music, and game design.

I have started dabbling in all of these again this year, but it’s currently just as hobby activities (when I have those little bits of time I can steal back from the real world demands).

Personal blabber if interested:

I have a history with this stuff. I was published—and won awards--all through High school and College, I was a displayed artist and photographer, I voted for the Independent Academy Awards (called the Spirit Awards at that time) while working in TV and Independent film, and I played in bands before my hands and arms went to Hell.

I had recently decided to try and get back to some of these things for fun because the real world has stolen too much of my life working hard just to stay afloat.

Don’t get me wrong, I have a nice career, a good work team, a house, a car, pension, benefits and all, but I have no more leeway or buying power than I did as a college kid. All of these things do cost money and they demand upkeep—even if you’re not living above your means.

I currently have no wife or kids so I decided that I really needed some leisure and play time again and that—for once—I should actually learn to play with no other motive in mind (before it was all working towards something); who the Hell would have expected me to become such a hard worker?! LOL.

I didn’t think of myself as a workaholic, but when you have almost 8 weeks of vacation stored up in the bank and you’re taking every other Friday off just to avoid losing the PTO…and say you started work at 5 AM and then say you had also taught college in the evenings until 10 PM…well, if you can barely get enough time to get the laundry done… you’d need more balance eh?

So, I’ve started these creative activities up again, but now I’m honestly feeling that I’m too old for the Guerrilla art thing…the dream is still there though—I suppose it may be a delusion at this point, but screw it, where’s the harm in trying?

Who knows what the future could hold? You won’t know unless you step into the batting box.

It’ll probably be a fastball to the head. :o)

That’s OK, I’ll be on base.

Live well, laugh often, love much,
Jason Henke

Let the writing begin!

2008-12-04T21:56:00.005-06:00

I posted this over on the Windows Live blog, but this little news affects this blog as well: I now have both laptops ready with all of my writing/development software and I'm good to go!

The news:

The free laptop is set up with all of my writing software. Next up is the Adobe Suites and Netbeans...The best bit of this is that I now have 2 laptops ready for home and travel. I can start writing anywhere again!

Bring on the coffee shops, lunch breaks, and my down times as I wait to pick folk up. I will now have one of my laptops on hand and I'm ready to start the creative projects in earnest.

This is awesome. Writing, design, movie projects, and game design...all ready to go. This old/new laptop is going to become my main road warrior for writing in the upcoming days. Eventually, when the coffers are restored, I'll probably get an ultra-portable laptop (instead of a netbook I think) to replace the current ones.

The old Pentium 3 laptop (which works damn fine for just about everything--including a lot of game) will be my home/downstairs computer. Flash drives or a passport HD will be the main storage mediums as I'll be able to readily switch back and forth. Back ups will be made frequently and files will be stored in the Window's Live Skydrive for backup from anywhere. Very, very cool.

A side note: the new laptop (actually an old laptop that I was given for fixing it up) has a wonky mouse pad. It works, but it's a bit flaky with the mouse movement. I think it just needs some tweaking and then it'll most likely work fine. If not, no biggie--I have a port-a-mouse. :o)

Hell, I think that I just solved the wonky mousepad in typing this entry out...my palms resting on either side of the pad caused the mouse pointer to jump around because of the weight pressing down on the pad. I wasn't touching the pad, but I was touching the laptop case to the sides (actually resting my hands on the metal as I typed) and I noticed that the pointer would drift or jump like a little jumping bean to which ever palm was exerting some pressure on the laptop case. So, I just upped the palm protection in the mousepad's software and I seem good to go. Doubly sweet! It was driving me batty.

Night everyone, I'm wiped.

--Jason Henke

Writing In the Wild

2008-12-01T07:57:00.002-06:00

It's been awhile, but here's what's on my mind for my creative works right now: writing/developing in the wild.

Currently I've got 2 laptops set up for writing out in the wild, but now I'm completely fixated on the idea of the new Netbooks--ultimate portability, great for travel writing, cheap.

I'm fighting off the want of a MSI Wind. Why would I go for an iphone or G1 with a monthly access fee when I can use one of these ultra portable Netbooks at any coffee shop or on the plane?

The reason I've held off for now is because I have 2 laptops set up for writing and use. These are fine, but they are bulkier by far and have far less battery life. The MSI Wind (with the 6 cell battery) can run for up to 6 hours according to specs. It's super light and is a great writing machine.

As to my existing laptops they are kind of a wash: One is much newer, stronger, and faster--it's the free laptop that was given to me for fixing it up. It has one drawback to it: I hate the screen. It's 1024x768 and I want the resolution to go up further than that. It's also darker than my old Pentium 3 laptop's screen; this annoys me.

This tiny drawback aside, it is the one I should use most often, because it's newer. It has integrated wireless (my old trusty Pentium 3 requires a card), and it has USB 2.0.

The Pentium 3's main drawback is age. It doesn't have USB 2.0, but that hasn't caused any real issues yet. The adding in of the wireless snap in card burns more battery when used, but it works just fine for writing and my old games. In fact, I like it a bit more than my newer laptop.

The Pentium 3 has become my main home browsing and light game computer for now (my desktop unit died w/a hardware failure). I'll run with the dual laptop system until I decide whether I should upgrade my desktop box or not. If I do rebuild it, I'll completely rebuild it with a new processor and mother board. I'll make it a wicked beast again.

Eventually, this is what I will do.

Hell, I'll have to do it; I intend on doing more multimedia development and production again--I intend to reclaim my path (which is the focus of this blog).

In short, I intend to start some side business, and I intend to do movies and game development as well. I just don't need to upgrade the desktop box at this exact moment because my 2 laptops are working great for now.

Now, each laptop has a drawback for me (as stated above)...so, is a Netbook like the MSI Wind the answer?

Not completely.

Netbooks also have a flaw, they don't include a CD/DVD drive. This isn't a deal breaker for me, but it means that if you use software that requires the disc to be in the drive, you'll need to get creative.

It is quite possible to still use those programs, but it requires some fuzzy legal choices. First you must rip the CD as an .iso image and move it to the netbook. Then you must use a program to 'mount' the .iso image on the Netbook computer (look up MagicDisc).

This is a hassle...not much of a hassle, but still, you shouldn't have to do that.

My main desire for the Netbook is due to how portable these little things are.

Awesome to throw in a bag, they take up no space, and you can write or develop with extreme ease anywhere. On my return flight from Dallas and the convention, I saw one in use by the gentleman sitting in front of me...sigh. I'd almost bought the MSI Wind for that trip actually.

I tell you, the Netbooks are almost like having an old school paper notebook and pen with you.

Eventually, I'll probably get one. For now, my writing and development will be the bulkier regular laptops. There is no reason to spend money on something new when I already have items that can do the same thing.

Farther down the road though, and I'm getting one of these Netbooks.

Now, back to the grind. I'll be working on the movie and stories after work.

Keep developing friends, it's what makes us artists.

Live well, laugh often, love much!
Jason Henke

That Damn Film Idea!!

2008-10-29T12:09:00.004-05:00

I'm tempted to list out a blast of frustrated expletives here....

Inhale...hold....exhale.

OK, that damn art-house film idea that I've been developing, kicking around, and fighting with is driving me nuts. My attitude on it keeps flipping between, "This will rock!!" to "This will suck ass; it's pretentious, it's melodrama, it's heavy handed, and the style can't sustain a 90 minute flick."

UGH!!

Suffice it to say, I'm of two minds on even developing this project further; it might need to gestate a bit.

In cases like this, I often end up with something different than I was originally thinking. Usually--but not always--these frustrating ideas (that vacillate between awesome vibes and energy to bottom falling out despair) often end up quite exciting. It's just a war getting it inline with the vision.

My problem is that it would be a pretty internally focused story. This is what's giving me fits. It's too inward and seems too prone to melodrama--simply put, the narrative voice in this work is inward and in film the emotion--and the created world--need to be externally viable. It's going to demand a balancing act and subtle building of images and pace to layer the emotional context if I have any shot of pulling this off.

I do believe I can do it or I wouldn't have beat my head against this for so long; I do have an idea for the model to base it on.

I just fear the melodrama and I have strong doubts about the style I'm thinking of lasting for 90 minutes.

If it works, if I get that nuance right...well, I practically get giddy from that hope. If I get it right, it could go off fantastic.

It will need nuanced camera work I think.

I'll need to build the emotion into the flow of it. Layer it, build it up...like trying to layer a sandcastle into being before the surf laps up to it's walls and pulls it down and out to sea with the final black fade out.

I have to develop the narrative and write that out first...then--I think--I can compile the needs for the visual telling.

See, the manic part of the vibe is in me, "It'll work!"

The skeptic says, "it's F'd. What you're trying to pull off is not for this medium."

Yet, that's exactly why I want to take a shot at it. It's also what gets me juiced and crushes me all at once. I'm too old to start this crap again. I'm out of the loop...it's a pipe dream and I'll never do it.

Yeah, keep saying that. Keep believing that. Keep doubting.

But, while you don't know this about me, I do: I'll have my troops in the woods unseen. I'll be prepared for the war before I know I'm in it.

And, when that first volley of smoking arrows arcs out from the silent oaks to bite flesh and shield....you'll hear the barbaric yells and we'll be charging out to take the field.

In other words, I will pull this damn idea off in some way.

I may fail in the attempt, it truly may suck, but if I go down in the effort mayhap the Valkyries will lift me from the field--cradled, black mud and blood sloughing from my pale arm--with soft song and sunlight.

Live well, laugh often, love much!
--Jason Henke

Oct. 21st, 2008 -- A Quick Update

2008-10-21T12:21:00.004-05:00

Jeez. It's been over a month since I've been able to do even this much on the blog.

This post violates my intention for this particular blog, but it's my only real update for the moment, so I'm going with it.

I'm set to add the Wordpress features to my www.jasonhenke.com site, I just need to add in the MySQL setup request and then I can start it all up. We've already moved the site into the new hosting environment.

Basically, what I've been doing since I was last here is pretty simple: I've been rebuilding computers. So far, it's been my main computer (the hard drive gave out psychically) and a laptop--I have a lot of important data to try and recover! Remember to back up often, it needs to be a part of your modern life.

Other than that, I've been working a lot at the day job for a go-live that went off successfully. I've also tweaked my mom's home network as well since Rich got a new work laptop.

And then, the real fun: I've been doing chores...made a lot of progress, but it's not over as I have a lot more to do.

Anyway, sorry for the personal tangents, I'll probably start up the Wordpress site on www.jasonhenke.com (and theme it) in November after I return from Dallas...so really, that'll make it December...Ah well, it's longer out than I want, but it saves me MySQL hosting cash for a couple of months at least. There's just too much happening before hand.

I think the Wordpress route that I've chosen for jasonhenke.com will really meet a majority of my wants for the site. I wasn't expecting it to, but upon mulling it over...I think it'll really hit the spot. The only bad bit is the increase in my costs for adding in the MySQL database...ces la vie.

Like everyone else, I'm feeling the money crunch, so saving an increased hosting fee for a couple of months on the "Jason Henke" site will help out a bit.

I've really been looking at how I can tighten up the belt and have been going over dismal budgets. It's tough right now and this will be the first year where my personal savings will drop (let's not even mention the retirement/investments!). I'm no different than anyone else though, things is tough.

If you were to ask about the creative projects (which is the main reason for this blog space)...well, they've not progressed all that much. I've just had too much day job, home computer fixings, and daily tasks to keep me from getting to the creative fun and being able to put in much time on them.

Wait, I lie.

I just did some work yesterday on a project. And, if I'm to be honest, I have thought about some others a lot (they're kind of always in mind)....Well, it's something at least. :o)

Live well, laugh often, love much,
Jason Henke

The Devil's Backbone, Pan's Labryinth, and Guillermo Del Torro

2008-09-09T20:31:00.003-05:00

"The Devil's Backbone" by Guillermo Del Toro. A very good movie. It's a sibling...well, precursor to "Pan's Labyrinth" (a very good movie as well)--at least I can see the heritage.

I love the visual story telling...letting a scene play out in visual action w/little dialog. Very good film making.

I love the visual layers of the ghost, the audio, and the intermixing of reality and myth together. Del Torro, at least in these 2 pictures, likes to leave mythical ambiguity in place. In both, you have a decision to make in your mind...was it the reality that happened or was the fantastic the real cause.

Personally, something I watch for in films, I love ambiance..atmosphere. I like the painting of lights, colors, and visual depth. I hate when films look like we just put the camera on some actors.

Build me the castles in the air, engage me, make it lush, give it a "look"....

Now, I think I shall prepare an artichoke, put on some ambient music, have a glass of wine, and enjoy mellowing into the end of the day.

Back to Writing and Development Work: Reinstallations went well (mostly)

2008-09-03T06:28:00.007-05:00

I spent last night doing chores and reinstalling software on the rebuilt laptop. It went pretty well aside from the Dramatica Professional v. 4.0 installation.

For whatever reason, the installation program will not even run. This is odd since it worked fine on my XP Home laptop (before it had to be rebuilt). I think the problem is actually a license check stopping the installation, but I got no notice/error message from the installer--it just dies without doing anything.

I've sent an email to the company to see what they say. If it comes to it, I'll need them to mark my license down as being used only once so I can install it on the new XP Professional rebuilt laptop.

Movie Magic Screenwriter 6 went on fine, as did the dictionaries (Word Menu 2 and Merriam Webster)...but I just realized this morning that I forgot to install StoryView 2. Nuts.

Ah well, tonight I take the evening off and I'll spend it relaxing in a break. We'll watch some shows, kick back, do dinner, and vibe the evening. All good things.

I'll put the rest of the writing software on Thursday (well Dramatica Professional v4.0 will have to wait until I hear back from www.screenplay.com).

The good news on all this reinstallation and laptop rebuilding? This means I can start working again on the film--and the novels--development work.

On Game Design:
I spent my lunch yesterday at a park and went over my brainstorm and early development notes for a game I've had in the works for about 2 years or so. I'm much farther along than I thought.

It was quite an exciting little realization; I think I can prototype it for myself and start some solo test plays. It's not ready for general play testing yet as I still have a few systems to test and develop.

I was truly surprised to find out how far along I was on a second game design as well. Both of these discoveries were very good for my morale.

Again, baby steps--nickle and diming--these projects has actually moved me ahead in them.

On the film idea:
The core of the idea is still a good one, but the "angle" of it's telling is driving me nuts. I can't seem to find the "right way" yet. It just feels off, forced, and wrong. I'll have to develop the idea more and see what comes out of that process. Generally speaking, something will shake out in that process.

On my life long insomnia and health:
Well, last night really sucked the hard one. I could not sleep. I was up until after 11 PM and I was awake by 2:30-3:00 AM. I finally looked at the clock--something I try very hard not to do--at 3:17 AM. I just got up, there was no point in suffering anymore.

I was hot, uncomfortable, and just wasn't sleeping. I got up, put some painter's tape on a wall, and got ready for the day.

I'll tell you this in a personal aside: I'm becoming convinced that this insomnia is going to kill me in the end. I don't feel healthy, I feel like my health is faltering. I've been working on nutrition and sleep for awhile now...I'm making progress, but this insomnia is making me feel like my time is limited. It was not a good night.

Anyway, I am not feeling good today, but I can tell you that I'm very glad that I'd made a commitment to getting better health in all areas of my life: body, spirit, mind, finances, home, personal life, leisure time, and in my relationships.

Live well, laugh often, love much!
Jason Henke

A Creative Warning: Do NOT loose that idea!!

2008-08-21T06:05:00.007-05:00

This is a minor tale of tragedy in my saga of living everyday life while reclaiming my creative endeavors. Perhaps by sharing my own idiotic play, I can save us both in the future.

The Headline to this tale should read:

Inspiration hits while driving...didn't make a memo of it...it's out of my head now

I suspect that this is a thing we've all been through: driving into work, the radio's on, DJs chatter, ads roll by, music (that we now associate with the commercials we hear them in) percolates, we turn on the blinker, look over our shoulders, change lanes in an easy glide, and inspiration hits.

If I had grabbed my PDA and made a voice memo (or even left a voice mail for myself at work), I could have remembered it. I could have saved the inspiration that sprung up during my morning commute.

However, for whatever stupid ass reason, I didn't think of doing this.

I could have grabbed my PDA and made a voice memo in a moment. I could have called myself and left a voice mail in a flash.

For whatever reason, I did nothing. I told myself I would remember it. I wasn't that far from work.

Then there's a new muttering on the radio, a cute girl in the next car, whatever...something shiny caught my mind's eye and I didn't even see the inspiration go by in the rear view mirror. I didn't see it fall out of the car and careen off into the ditch like a Bouncing-Betty hubcap. I never knew it was gone until I tried to jot it down upon getting to my desk.

Let this be a warning to myself (and to any other aspiring--or practicing--creative out there): always note the inspiration quickly.

It doesn't have to be elaborate, just a quick trigger you can detail out when you have a moment. It just has to be a short note that will bring it back into your mind after the distractions of whatever you are currently engaged in ends.

You do not want to lose your creative sparks.

Because I did not think to do this right after the idea hit me this morning, I've lost the idea I had for a game design mechanic--or...was it a story idea? Damn the lack of caffeine! This sucks.

Knowing myself, I will now be spending a lot of mental energy over the day trying to cobble it up out of the thin wisps of ether I can still catch.

My advice for quick notes when these things hit is to have a Moleskine notebook (do not use while driving), put in a quick phone call and leave yourself a message somewhere (use a hands free Bluetooth headset while driving and call home or work to leave yourself the note), or use a portable voice memo recorder (like my Palm PDA W/Voice memo or buy a small portable voice memo recorder to carry in your pocket).

Quick links to such devices:

No matter what approach you take, always have a butterfly net to catch those ideas before they flit away.

This is a lesson I've had to relearn multiple times.

I am getting better though.

Live well, laugh often, love much,
Jason Henke

Dramatica Pro, Movie Magic Screenwriter 6, StoryView, Word Menu, and Freemind thoughts as I rebuild the laptop computer

2008-08-13T14:04:00.008-05:00

Man, it is killing me right now. I'm bored off my rocker!

I spent last night fixing things instead of pursuing things. It was one of those nights.

I was getting ready to install all of my writing packages and software when my computers and home network started flaking out. I never did get the software installed and wasted the night hunting down causes for the computer/network issues. I'm getting a bad feeling about what I'm seeing.

Then, the washing machine acted weird. Water came out from somewhere (not the top, not the hose), it did not spin out correctly...it also took time from my creative endeavors. I did get the washing machine repaired though.

So, on the project front (even on the home project front) last night was a wash. Those nights do happen.

The only progress I made was reading through manuals for:

Dramatica Pro (Amazon)
More info: Dramatica Pro Website
Movie Magic Screenwriter 6 (Amazon)
More info: Movie Magic Screenwriter Website
Word Menu (Amazon)
More info: Word Menu Website
StoryView (Amazon)
More info: StoryView Website

Since the computers are out of commission, I felt good just being able to do that.

I have to admit that those software products have been extremely useful for me since I bought them years back. I was hugely skeptical before I bought them. For writing scripts, Movie Magic rocks. It's so damn easy.

I use them a lot.

I don't use them as crutches--you can't, they're not--but they do help me nickel and dime my ideas when I have fleeting bits of time to work on them. I can make constant forward motion on the works.

This "nickle and dime" methodology came about for me when I was teaching college at night (after the day job).

During the teaching days, I only had a few breaks in a day (that ran from 4 AM to 10 PM) to write. I'd take my 15 minutes and answer some brainstorming/planning questions in Dramatica and my stories would develop as I went.

Dramatica alone was a great way to stay on target, review my past answers and characters, and move things forward. Believe it or not, StoryView and Dramatica Pro actually made me very productive in limited amounts of freetime.

Dramatica does not lock you into a process of writing. It helped me look at my stories in different ways and answer questions I was going to have to deal with. Yes, that is in their literature. Yes, for me, it is true.

StoryView is really where I start (actually, I start with freemind and then go into StoryView for some more skeleton work. Then, once the frame and idea is kind of "in place" a bit, I use Dramatica to start some in depth analysis of the idea. Once the deep analysis is done in Dramatica, I put it all back into StoryView and arrange the tale (or, recently, a couple of series ideas).

Honest to God, this really works for me.

One thing you should know is that I abhor outline writing. It kills everything for me, sucks the life out of me like Bubba Hotep in the old-folks' home.

That being said, professionally speaking, outlines are needed in production, pitching, and development. You have to know--and be able to convey--where the crap is going. You can't land deals if you don't know that.

I don't know anybody willing to drop cash nor time on a fuzzy idea unless you have a long history with them. Would you drop that cash on such an idea?

If so, I'll pitch you one now. :o)

P.S. Something I said above is calling for a new blog...it's still wheeling around in my noggin'...since I spoke of the series, I should blog about my experiences in using these software programs to flesh them out. It's not all pretty.

Live well, laugh often, love much,
Jason Henke

A Big Breakthrough -- The Odd Timing of Inspiration

2008-08-11T07:00:00.007-05:00

It happens so often in my life. Inspiration and answers hit me out of the blue at odd times.

It often happens when things are overly busy (and I have to scramble to jot it down in the PDA or notebook as quick as possible to avoid losing the inspiration in the middle of whatever is going on), it also happens when nothing has been going on and I'm staring blankly off into whatever wall is near...

No matter when it comes, it always comes when I haven't been thinking about a project.

It happened again. This time, it was Friday 8/01/08 @ 1:45 PM.

I was on my way home from work. Just going through a green light and passing under the Stinson/35 W bridge heading to New Brighton Blvd. It came in a flash. No fore thought...no reason. I wasn't mulling over the question, I wasn't even thinking about the issue....

Bam! There it was. Complete, whole, and ready to go. I lit up. I was filled with energy. I got lunch at a good local little Vietnamese restaraunt and over my Vietnamese salad, I jotted it down. I then secured it and encyrpted it for transfer home.

I will be developing it now. I have to look at some legal things to protect it down the road and it may lead to a side business (it doesn't compete in anyway with my current place of business--which is awesome).

I think my subconscious was noodling through the problem after having had dinner and Happy hour with John Seals on Tuesday at the C.C. Club in Minnepolis. We weren't talking about game design in anyway, we did talk about writing and such...but I think the notion of starting things, doing the creative things, got my inner guts going and working on the side projects.

Anyway, this inspiration coming to me on 8/01/08 while passing under the bridge was massive. It's a huge answer and it'll work.

I am now developing it. It's going to be cool.

Live well, laugh often, love much,
Jason Henke

Game design ideas, writing, film

2008-07-28T12:43:00.009-05:00

I have been working on a few different fronts this last week (and weekend) so things have been going good.

It was a strangely fortuitous weekend. Cylinders starting to hit and some wonderful deals came along.

First off, should you ever doubt it, carry a notepad with you--and a pen.

I know, there are laptops--I know there are small laptops--but speed of usage and access to a pen or notepad in your pocket will do you wonders. Perhaps go retro, emulate your favorite expatriate novelists, and use the trusty moleskines notebooks. They are back.

And, they even have a storyboard notebook.

You can jot down your notes, ideas, and such quite quickly.

Now, let me get to the quick synopsis of what I was tooling with this weekend:

The game front:

brainstormed 3 ideas. Started some pre-development documentation on them. Good progress made. I'm going to test out some concepts on paper first.

The novel/creative writing front:

fleshing out on 2 novels
time-lining/beat timing story arcs
character development
historical research (1 is not a historical novel, but I'm looking into events that happened in our history that are similar)
back story development

The Independent Film arena:

did some prelim work on a proof of concept in writing...hated it. Back to the drawing board. While this is a setback of sorts, it's forward progress. This idea may not have merit, it may be like pulling teeth...it could work out brilliantly.
had some good inspiration and enjoyment in studying Mr. Deeds Goes to Town with Cary Grant. Greatly enjoyed that evening. Still fun satire today. I love the court scene.

On www.jasonhenke.com development:

Bad news, my bandwidth and space needs are too great for my current hosting package. This sucks.
I am developing it at home right now on my own server to see what I will need in the end.
the site will be heavily in the multimedia field and it will be interactive.
File space...new versions of PHP, MySQL, and the forum software will be needed on whatever new hosting service I end up with.
I am shopping for packages.

Still questing, still networking, still out playing when I can. When you endeavor for the Indpendent arts, keep out in the community. Let the days wash over you and enjoy a brew with friends. Keep your days alive and your art will be.

Never forget: there are many writers, filmmakers, designers, artists, and actors in name, but very few in practice.

If you want to be, you have to do. You can not escape working on it. So, get out there, do it. Keep at it. there is a difference between doing it and wanting just to be a star. I find many want the fame, money and perceived power, but few just want to be doing the work.

I love ideas and pulling them off. The media type be damned. I go where the inspiration is, and whatever medium is demanded, I can learn. So can you.

Live well, laugh often, love much
--Jason Henke

Too Dang Busy

2008-07-15T08:11:00.003-05:00

OK, I've been super busy and haven't had a chance to post anything in a number of days.

This will continue as I will be booked all of this week with some entertainment and social butterfly events that will stop me from being able to post anything until the weekend (when I finally get to unwind and take it easy).

As such I'm muddying the waters of the blogs again (I'm cross posting personal life stuff here as it affects my artistic endeavors as well).

Here's the quick and dirty low down:

Mike and Kari's wedding went fantastic,
My insomnia has been horrible and is taking a physical toll.
- I am so run down and my absent mindedness is increasing
Work is still in flux
- with transitions and the layoffs taking affect,
  - but I finally have a .NET application to work on (I've been jonesing for that),
- I'm not sure what my future path is anymore and I'm lost
  - The months of the impending layoffs and restructuring put me in a contemplative and planning mode as I tried to prepare to meet the nightmare scenario should it come to pass
    - I do not have anything decided upon, I just have a lot of questions and self reflections now
    - IMPORTANT:
      - If you know what I should be doing, or who, please let me know.
      - I hate being aimless...I'm not good at it.
My personal website www.jasonhenke.com has been paused in development,
- I'm testing my development on my home server to check on how much space may be needed
- it ends up I may have to switch hosting companies for money and space...which sucks as I like my current spot,
I am upgrading my laptop to XP Pro finally
- This is good, but kind of blows as I'll have to reinstall and reconfigure everything again, but that's just time,
- I need the Remote Desktop utility for work
- I had to buy XP Pro before it went bye-bye as my laptop can not handle Vista...it's that or Linux (and I have too much software for Windows that I'll need to run)
Diet is not working yet
- In all seriousness, I do NOT eat enough.
- I'm in constant "Starvation Mode" (does that truly exist?) according to my calorie counts
- Yes, I'm huge from barely eating (and eating veggies at that), but I can change that around
Working out is not working--yet--but, I will not stop
I'm needing to get back to focusing on my house projects
Writing and film ideas are being developed.

I have some blogs to post on creative ruminations and studies that have been bouncing through my head in aimless moments.

All my best to you guys!

Live well, laugh often, love much,
--Jason Henke
www.jasonhenke.com

Brainstorming, Stories, Projects, Wedding details for my buddy's big weekend, Sunday chores, and the film idea percolating beneath it all

2008-06-29T11:54:00.001-05:00

It's not really a secret, but I'm well behind in blogging about the days--things have been very busy and tumultuous, but they're settling down. Despite this work and life chaos, the film project--its story, and its structure--is percolating.

Now, it's still quite early in the feeling out stage for the film project, but I've been progressing on its focus. It will continue to morph as I get a feel for the shape in the stone.

This is the point where it's like being in a haunted house as a kid: the blindfold is on, your hands are in something slick, slimy, viscous...like cool watery mud; you're rolling things through your fingers, small round, squishy things--slipping through, almost guessed...eyeballs? Grapes? Noodles? Brains?

...what exactly is it? What shape will it take? What's in the stone?

It's a fun period as it can take any shape, any flavor.

The point of this blog? You can never forget it and never short it--the regular life and work does not go away as you strive to reclaim your creative life; as you strive to be an artist, live the life, write, make movies, create fine art, or work on your music. These "real world" things must all be done and they never fall off your plate. I venture to guess that every star who has "made it" is still dealing with all of this, and their family life, as they try to be a "star".

So, here's a very quick summary of all the regular day things I have been dealing with as I try to develop the new creative projects: I kept my job (I'm going for a promotion as soon as possible), I'm getting ready for Mike's wedding this holiday weekend (clothes shopping, gift shopping, speech writing), I'm starting the diet, I have a new car (pretty Honda Accord 2007) and new payments, I have a plan for exercise that will save me a ton of money (money I don't have for the budget and car payment), I have chores, housework, and bills...I have money stresses, failing sleep, and yet--wonderfully--my Grandmother had a birthday yesterday and I got to have Heather and Bruno out.

In short, I'm thinking a lot...I'm planning...and I'm still developing all of the side projects, but now I'm off to run errands, do laundry, and to try to enjoy the day.

Live well, laugh often, love much,
--Jason Henke

Standing Tall in the Reaper's Swath

2008-06-12T20:00:00.002-05:00

There is an glyph called the Triskellion and it fits today.

Imagine 3 symbols for mind, body, spirit. Imagine these images are Zen symbols meant to be the swirling winds of chaos--of storm. The 3 storms are connected to each other by lines of straight lightening. Imagine you stand at the intersection of the lightening bolts. You stand alone, calm, solid, and stayed in the eye of the storm.

You are at peace, above and apart from the chaos whipping around you--for you are centered. This is the Triskellion. This is you.

You are firm, calm, alone in the madness, and you stand tall and clear. If you ever need to see it, it hangs around my neck and I've been told that it's me.

Today, I took an early lunch to take care of some personal business and to get out of the cube. I needed to get out in the sun as it was a strange day...not much going on--though I still got stuff done--and the timber of the office was...subdued, ominous, apprehensive...odd. I had the headphones on and tried to plug away as I could while sharing time and laughs with my teammates when we got together for conversations.

During my outside time for lunch the heads started to roll at work, 4 days early.

A friend at work had told me--earlier in the week--that this would start on Thursday (today) and that information was spot on. My early lunch, and being marked out on the board caused some panic and concern amongst my teammates when they saw the Reaper's swath cutting down ranks...., "Where's Jason? He doesn't leave this early normally...he's marked out on the board...did he get laid off?"

I had no idea about any of this happening until I came back and Charles popped over to give me the head's up, "Not a good day to lunch early." That caught my interest. He filled me in and told me about the concern my teammates had for me. That means a Hell of a lot to me. It's touching. We have a tight and talented group.

I quipped that I had marked that I was returning on the board. :o)

M teammates' concern meant a lot to me.

The rest of the day was somber, down, and apprehensive. How can it not be? Lots of conversation, lots of concern, lots of good luck wishes...then a source told me that the all clear note would be given at 4pm, this also ended up being true.

I am safe. My teammates are safe. This is awesome!!

Since March, we've been up in the air and on notice...very tense. As of this evening, I have a job. I don't know what the new position will be, I hope it will be good, I hope it will be fun. I hope I have my friends around me.

I am celebrating tonight. I'm toasting it up, I'm deflating, I'm thanking the fates and the blessings.

As of today, I have a beautiful new car, my house is getting in order, and I have the WAMP (Windows, Apache Server, MySQL, and PHP) up and running. I have the GUI tools running. I have side projects under way and I have success being achieved. This has been a huge period for me. I was given 3 late in the game opportunities to show my skills, to rise up in the chaos, and I seized each opportunity to do so and I ran with it.

I had a major hurdle to overcome in my mind, but that's where that notion will stay. I did it. I'm free of it.

It tried to sell me down the river. It was wrong, it was misguided, and it was misinformed about me and my intentions; it shouldn't have lost faith. I stood calm despite that and I took direct action--I achieved. That success isn't stopping any time soon for I have risen above the hurdle and I have not changed my attitude nor sold out my being, but that's a story for a private conversation amongst trusted and select friends.

My team survived!! This is a great joy to me as I truly value them as a friends and teammates; from director to manager to the team members--all are valued highly by me. We will continue to achieve and push the boundaries. We did loose one key friend though and she will be missed sorely. She has a ton of talent and is a great teammate.

P.S. A personal note: I have muddied the waters in my blogs. I intend the Jason Henke Windows Live Space to be my personal life blog and this jasonhenke.blogspot.com blog to be about the artistic life, the film life, the writing life--the life of reclaiming your creative self and being the stormbringer. I will shift back to using this jasonhenke.blogspot.com blog as a creative focus.

Live well, laugh often, love much,
Jason Henke

Good Work and Recognition During Tough Times

2008-06-06T08:12:00.003-05:00

Recently I've had 3 unexpected chances to shine, step up, and get good recognition during this layoff period.

The senior I.S. leadership has honored me with their recognition and thanks. It's been a pleasure working with Fairview and the team. The environment has been fantastic, my teammates are incredible, and I've really enjoyed being apart of it all. No matter what happens on the 16th, at least it was a good thing for 7 years.

Here's the nice write up they gave me in a system newsletter:

Two employees bring Fairview values to life during IS transition

Although times may be tough, it doesn’t mean our employees’ lack of commitment or dedication to excellent customer service is waning. Take Jason Henke, application systems analyst and Michelle Tucker, site supervisor, for example. These two IS employees recently stepped up to help build the preferences tool you all used earlier this week and create a database to help store and organize the information—saving countless hours of administrative work on the back end. They also helped create the manager assessment form—another tool that will be key during the employee placement process. It’s the can-do attitude and innovative approach that Jason and Michelle have displayed in this work that will fuel the success of the IS organization going forward.

There are some good tidbits behind this story and I'll share some of them after the 16th. I was also given some private and personal recognition as well. This is all greatly appreciated by me in these times as it's a good boost to my spirits.

Live well, laugh often, love much,
--Jason Henke

Surprises and Prince Achmed, the world's first full length animation film (1926)

2008-05-25T01:46:00.005-05:00

Today was an interesting day.

My friends had a BBQ at Kirby's for Memorial Day, but it was really an early surprise birthday party for me. The real deal will be June 8th, but it was a nice surprise and I had no idea. I'm easily suckered as I'm pretty trusting! :o)

It was very nice to see every one. Gair was missing, but it was nice to see Chris and Renee and catch up.

The evening ended with watching the world's first ever feature length animation film from 1926: "Prince Achmed". A slant on the "Arabian Nights". It's a silent film and it holds up well. It's restored from a nitrate film stock (amazing it's survived as long as it has...and hasn't gone boom!). The colors were vibrant and the silhouettes were sharp and clear.

It's like watching an old time Chinese shadow play/puppet show. The images were iconic. The painted glass art work was wonderful with some very nicely touched misty backgrounds. It's a German film w/subtitles and it holds up amazingly well. The musical score worked very well.

Not only was the Birthday party a surprise, the weather was fantastic, my friends are a great lot, and the film was a huge bonus surprise that Renee brought out. I'll tell you, that got my creative juices flowing. I may even work some of it into my www.jasonhenke.com web site down the road; when I start putting in the multimedia aspects I mean.

I have a great idea for the presentation of my site, but it will take a lot of production time to get into place...best to start with a basic site first and just get the information out.

I had many synergistic thoughts about old friends not in my life at the moment. One particular one came up in about 3 different conversations through out the day; they were heavy on my thoughts I guess. Maybe I was meant to think of them...Sometimes when people pop back into mind after so long, I run into them or hear from them. Sometimes it's just a melancholy or a pleasant vibe.I hope they are happy, hooked up with someone good, and aren't in need; if they are I'll help out as I can.

It's time for me to be honest: Yeah, OK, I'm a geek (I really got a kick out of "Prince Achmed"), but I'm a cultured fun loving, distortion loving, artistic/smart/easy going geek that loves little surprises and touches to the day like this.

PS- the Led Zeppelin box set came in...what a great night capper! How can you not appreciate that band? They just flat out rocked and had gonzo talent. The sound is fresh as Hell today. My one question though: how the Hell did that come in before my mother's RAM?!

Off to bed for now!

Good night and may you dream of large women. I do not envy the headache you'll have in the morning,
--Jason Henke

The University Mindset and the Artist's Life

2008-05-22T22:21:00.002-05:00

I was thinking about this yesterday as I was--in theory at least--driving home from work; in truth, I should say while I was idling and trying to keep my dying car from popping up the gravestone like the mail's-ready-for-pick-up flag.

In order to keep Goldie running, yes I've named her, I have to do this odd foot dance: left foot pushes the brake, right revs the engine to a higher idle, all as I shift the automatic into neutral.

Neutral serves two purposes:

Keeps the car from leaping forward in case my left foot slides off the brake
Allows a quick restart if Goldie kills (you can't start it in any gear).

OK, back on topic. While I was doing this tarmac tango, I was thinking about a young artist thing I--and everyone at the University--goes through as you grow into an artist. You want everything you do to be deep, to be "real", to be about something.

It seems like this is right, that this is truth--that this is what art's all about: the people, the cause, the truth of whatever malaise (or un-won girl) is deep in the marrow when you're bonding with buds in a dark bar late at night...

It's what swims, a shadow of a shark, in the blue smoky haze above your heads; smoke from ideas swirling up from fingertips, billowing from nostrils, rising from the burning eyes, smoldering from between the waves of your hair as the brain churns around and the liquid sun splashes from the pitchers and foams at the lips of your cups.

But, it's not. It's ego. It's vanity. It's a fear that your work isn't enough to stand on its own. It's an attempt to hide behind something, to keep the raw emotions, the spark of your inspiration from showing. You're afraid to be honest.

So, you attempt the social propaganda, the dark stories of the modern kitchen sink. But it's not new. It's not original. It is a re-tread.

That need to have it be about something is a growing lesson. That kitchen sink, that social injustice, that idea has been done before and was a film movement after WWII in the UK. It's in Shakespeare, it's in Homer, it's in the original Chinese (or was it Japanese) fairy tale that became Cinderella.

My point is this. Everything you write, shoot, paint, or game, or sing about is about something. It just is. Don't sell the propaganda or force your point. Let it come from your story, from the work. Let the actions speak, leave things unsaid. Let the user of the art breathe in it and let subtlety and subtext be your messenger.

The user can draw their own opinions--and they will--and will catch that the hanging of that poor homeless man was a tragedy all on their own. They will know this because they are actually the ones defining your images. They will find symbolism and images where you didn't even know you had them.

Actions speak louder than words and silences can deafen a stadium.

Just tell your story exactly and as involving as you can--no matter the setting, no matter the theme. Your layers and truth will be there because you were.

So, while at the University and enflamed with that passion, you may believe that true stories are about F'd up people, leading F'd up lives, in F'd up relationships and situations....

I'll remind you that those are characters and characters are not a story. They are caught in the story.

The University and Creativity

2008-05-21T21:29:00.002-05:00

I'm out of time tonight--I've been reinstalling all of the WAMP software on my laptop (Apache, MySQL, PHP) for designing the www.jasonhenke.com site. It's been a mess doing it. I had Apache, PHP, and MySQL installed, but MySQL didn't work. I monkeyed with it and then gave up and installed XAMPP instead...that reversed my troubles and got my MySQL working, but blew up Apache. Son-of-a-bitch!!

I have a lot to blog about, from the new projects (film, documentary, novels, game design, and short stories) and the bachelor party, but I don't have time tonight as I planned. The computer crap took my evening.

Here's what's coming though: I've been ruminating on the University malady that strikes creatives in the writing, art, photography, and film creation. It's an interesting thought and one I've had since I was going through it myself.

I'll try and follow up with it tomorrow after work.

No Rest for the Wicked (running behind on updates to blogs, webspaces, and www.jasonhenke.com)

2008-05-20T10:45:00.004-05:00

I've been extremely busy...running behind...have a lot to blog about (Bachelor party, reviews, computers, work, life)...will be doing so tomorrow night (Wed. May 21st)...busy tonight too! Happiness, stresses, successes, and trials....more to come soon.

No rest for the wicked, but being wicked is fun. Long live the rock and roll lifestyle!

Live well, laugh often, love much!

My best,
Jason Henke

Cats

2008-05-11T21:40:00.003-05:00

I saw the musical Cats today at a local playhouse.

Let me say, the girls...wow. I have to admit admiration for all the body types up there and the seeming comfort they showed in the costumes (it would terrify me, I'd look...well, let's just say that you're better off not seeing me in their costumes).

I have never seen Cats before. I've not heard the music before (truthfully, I still haven't) and I know nothing of the story.

First some quick jots on the local production: the local theater is very nice. This is the second production I've seen in this local theater. They really try hard and it works quite well as a nice space to catch a show. It's new, it's clean, it's a very nice theater. It feels like a real theater, which is saying something.

The girls of--all body shapes and ages--looked great. Truthfully, I was distracted by a couple of them (in a good way...and, in a huh way). I will say this, I could never get up there and do what they did in those costumes. It's kinky I grant, but dang they had guts and they did a very nice job.

Sound wise, the show sucked hard. It was horrid. The mix was terrible and the band drowned out the songs. The voices, while very good in most cases, were to weak to carry over the band. I missed almost everything in the show. I couldn't tell what was going on...and, in Cats, that's a very bad thing as the story is all song and dance driven. As such, it was like watching a silent film sans story slates.

I have never seen any production of Cats before. I do not know the story. I do not know the songs...and, I still don't think I do.

Some of the jazz songs were very smoking, but the lyrics--and grind--of the female singer's voices (and strut) were lost. 90% of the lyrics could not be heard. You could hear the singer's tone, but none of the lyrics. Bizarre mix. I would have had it toned down in the 2nd act if it were my production or directions. There is just no way you could miss the horrible mix. Sorry guys, but it was bad.

The band = good, the singers = good (well, what I could hear anyway), and the girls = woah! Two were quite striking to me.

OK, to the Cats story then. I had to kind of make it up as I went, but--from what I gleaned in the watching--Cats is really sort of like Chaucer's The Canterbury Tales. More a series of Cat vignettes than a proper narrative. The narrative is very much a loose and free thing. It's really just about the chosen individual cats, the 'social' commentary, the music, and the outfits.

This show did not blow me away, but some of the girls leg's did. Hell, I can't help it, I'm a guy. Skin tight outfits catch my eye.

I now have to see a real production to see what the glamour was all about...why did it rock for so long? I wasn't involved in the tale, I had no empathy for any particular cat, I wasn't involved.

I did, however, feel like I had dropped an acid tab and was through the looking glass. This show, and H.R. Puff n' Stuff... well, some one's on something.

I get the fantasy aspect, but I was missing something. So, I came away with a slight feel for the music, a glint of the story, and a love of the costumes, but I had no real feel for why this was a smash hit. I need a control test.

By comparison, The Kids in the Hall show at the Orpheum in Minneapolis, was a 1000 times better and way more fun.

However, there were no hot girls in kinky costumes. So, it was a wash. :o)

Live/die date and inspirations. Just plain maddness.

2008-05-07T18:55:00.003-05:00

OK, if you've seen the writings before this one, you know I'm facing layoffs at work. Today we had the meeting that finally laid out the timeline and what's going to happen. It's a sad day.

The webteam is no more. We've been split. We will have to choose from the following areas in the end: development team, support team, innovation team, or maybe the project planning or strategic team. It's horrid, but there are positives. I could finally be removed from customer on call and server support and be focused on innovation and development. I would cherish ditching the pager and the help desk two support roll. No offense, but it's been a horrid grating on me. I hate it and truthfully don't see it as a function in my role.

My team--the web team--is a power house team of extreme talent. We have a great crew of people who help each other. I honestly believe it's a mistake to break us up as they are planning, but I don't' have anything to do with it. I can only react to the new situation.

It is not going to be a fun birthday.

So far, from last May to now...it's not been a good run on the whole. I had a very rough personal period of time. It's frankly sucked and if it continues, I'll hate my birthday in the end.

But, let me get back on track as I really do have an issue I've been thinking over admidst this chaos in life and work: why, when things are nuts, do I get my best ideas in a constant stream?

I think it's an escape...a mental pressure valve. It allows me to imagine something new and different. My mind is racing, things are nuts, and then--boom! A new idea that actually has merit. It hits form the blue with no warning.

It's a beautiful thing when it happens. I will be developing a couple of the recent inspirations to hit me in the maddness.

At work, during my birthday week, I will have to re-apply for a job (we all will). I have no idea what Scott will say of me behind the scenes, but I hope it works out. I've told Scott that should he need a good review of him, I'd certainly give it. Our team and work was fantastic. I'm most sad to see it split up. I'm most sad of my birthday.

But, I'm an optimist. I see some good things that could come from this. I will have to buy some software, but I could come out ahead in this.

Yes, I had taken steps to hopefully protect me. It was done intentionally when I started to suspect the work thing was changing. Hopefully I got to it early enough.

I wish all the best to my teammates and I truly hope we all have gigs in the end. I'll really miss seeing them if we really are split up.

That, frankly, will suck.

My best to you!

The boulder, shoved, sweated, and cursed to the top rolls freely down the other side at full speed

2008-05-05T21:08:00.003-05:00

Today, the layoff and restructuring at work has started it's process.

Choose your image: a montage of eyes cutting to each other, a tumbleweed, a rising violin slicing and twilling the air...a car careening around the corner, wheels screaming off the concrete walls, black birds taking to wing as the muzzle flicks out of window like a snake tongue tasting the air in thundering snaps...the boy approaching the girl in the hall to ask to the dance as she turns away....

Whatever your flavor for the image, the boulder has started rolling. Announcements from the top, the new structure, and a meeting later to let us all know what's going down later this week. Do the heads start rolling as well? I don't think just yet. We'll see what comes though. 'tis an interesting time.

On the creative front, I have a new film idea, a new novel idea, and a great short story idea that I'm revisiting. Seriously, I've got some things that are feeling fun.

My times are nuts right now: a short notice bachelor party for my best friend. Brazilian BBQ, beers, clubs, strippers at a new place...typical fare that may include boccie ball.

Hopefully, I'll even catch a movie or 2 during this on call week. I was fairly busy this morning with an unsually busy Monday morning page fest. Not too bad actually, just more vibrating than normal. I should have moved the pager to a different location. ;o)

Home for the night, tucked in, relaxing and surfing the ether

2008-05-01T19:24:00.005-05:00

The playoffs roll before me in soft volume as I type. The house is dark, cool, relaxing. This is needed. This is good.

I have no real energy tonight, things have been super busy at work and at home. I need to recoup, reload, and get at it again in the morning.

I'm looking hard at joining a 24/7 workout club right by my place. I'm planning on a month or two as I tweak the house, put in some cable and phone jacks in the second bedroom. Paint is comming, shelves are coming, the home gym will be rebuilt, items will have resting places in all rooms. Writing and design on www.jasonhenke.com can happen again. And, through it all, I can work out anytime.

The 24/7 gym is month to month and discounts can be gotten through workperks I think. It won't break the bank, even if the layoffs happen. I think I'm in.

Now, time to mellow. Enjoy your evening and kick back with me. Let's go into Friday on a sweet wave.

The new jasonhenke.com is on it's way and in development

2008-04-30T16:04:00.007-05:00

For years, my personal website www.jasonhenke.com has languished undesigned. It's primary purpose was for me, Jason Henke, to park code experiments in hidden files; in other words, to play with development and to move some files around the world.

For years, www.jasonhenke.com served it's purpose. Now, though, it's time for it to serve a new purpose: present a professional front end for me. As of now, it's completely bare-boned and all has been torn down to be redone.

It's time to put polish on www.jasonhenke.com, to make it more useful for more folk. I'll need it if I do get laid off. I'll need it to move forward with business and to exploit my creative endeavors.

So, for the last couple of weeks--while the new drafts of the resume have been being forged--I've been heavily debating which way to take jasonhenke.com and what it's purpose should be. I need it to serve me in many ways. I need jasonhenke.com to be a personal site, a play site, a professional site, and a community site for friends, family, and testers.

So, I tore it all down (it blowed up good!) and thought about how to rebuild it.

What technologies to use? Do I personally invest in ASP.NET? If I lose my job, I'll have to use the free ASP.NET development tools. ASP.NET would also require me to change my hosting plan and would cost me more. That being said ASP.NET has merit and is intriguing.

How about Adobe Flex and Flash? I'm a long tooth designer and teacher in Flash. I have the suites (the new suite will be on order soon...cash is being rounded up) and I have the experience. We've started playing with Adobe Flex at work. It's pretty cool and the learning curve isn't bad for me, because of my history with Flash.

Apache, Java, JSP, Struts, JSF, PHP...they're all free and the editors are as well. MySQL? Yeah, free.

So, I did some reading, bought some books, tinkered around, and decided that Adobe Flex/Flash with Java, JSP, MySQL, and PHP would be my path. I can monkey with ASP.NET on my IIS. This would allow me many areas to move in. Mobility and adaptability are huge skills to have in life.

So, I made the www.jasonhenke.com decision final last night. It was a lot of angst and evaluation for me to arrive at, but now I'm ready to move.

And then, I decided to add a forum section in for friends, family, and professional colleagues. I'll be moving forward with a number of side projects (creative writing, film, games) and may have collaborators to interact with.

A private forum would be awesome. So, bring in SMF Forums (www.simplemachines.org). It looks solid and a friend of mine uses it for his business and the company's forum solution.

I'll tell you this, personal experience and word of mouth go a long way for me. I investigated SMF Forum (www.simplemachines.org) and it looks fantastic. Let's see how it plays out.

The last bit to come into www.jasonhenke.com will be a shopping cart and an e-commerce store; then I can sell my games and such as I pare down my belongings. The store would also serve me if I decide to start selling developed creative projects as well.

So, how long will it take to start throwing up designed pages?

Good question. First I'm going to have to brainstorm some graphic impacts, and sketch it out...those hasty hand sketched mock ups will go up as I play.

Truthfully, my hope is to have the skeleton site done by June or late May, but Mike's wedding and bachelor party (I'm best man) will slow me down. Well, please feel free to watch the progress if you wish at www.jasonhenke.com (link is on the right of this blog as well), but be warned: it may be slow and not terribly exciting. Then again, it could go way faster than I think.

Tonight, I help my mom in setting up her home network and then have dinner with them. It should be fun. Then, it's TV and installing the new Movie Magic upgrade software on the laptop.

While the wheels may be coming off in some areas of my life (at time spectacularly), I'm still pushing forward in others.

Remember: The only life you 'have to' live is yours. So, live it.

Get out there and go for it.

Early June - Layoffs

2008-04-24T09:31:00.003-05:00

We had a departmental meeting today. From what was said it appears the layoffs are on a faster track than the 120 days out. This is actually expected from a rumor I kept hearing from multiple sources.

The most precise date that could be pinned down was "Early summer"; I watched body language and reactions and it certainly spoke to end of May/early June as the date.

They couldn't be pinned down on numbers or criteria when asked, but I think they do have a plan now. It's not all in place or cemented in yet--how can it be with such sweeping efforts underway?

Still though, as goofy as it may sound to some out there, I'm really glad that they are trying to be as transparent in this as they can be.

We also got our first glimpse of the gentleman whom I had heard--before this all became official--had been brought in to help facilitate the changes. When I had heard of his history with our new leadership, it sure pointed to layoffs and such. That was, obviously, correct information.

Hopefully, our team has good luck, but we couldn't get any real criteria for what will keep people on board.

I am most glad I started to prepare for this ahead of time; thank God, I've been saving up.

The sucky thing is...it'll most likely happen near my birthday in early June. LOL! Timing eh?

My best to you all, keep the chin up 'cause I will.

Back in the saddle...mostly

2008-04-15T06:20:00.004-05:00

Work has dominated my time at home and on the clock.

And then there were taxes.

Ugh, a nasty mix of time demands.

Little fun has been had for the moment; my social groups have been pushed off as the demands on my person have been so temporarily high.

Stress? Yeah, it's there and is high at the moment, sleep is very low, but things aren't all black and I'm still trying for a balance and downtime. Fun is a high priority for me.

I am a person who believes that fun must be had in life. I believe that you should protect your free time--it is your asset in your life. Work is not everything and it shouldn't be. Your job is to live your life and enjoy it--work allows you to do this.

Because of this belief, I will not push my social life to the side for long. I've been lucky to have great friends and to have made more this year. I've been blessed in that area and I'm very thankful for all the fun they've allowed me to have with them.

For the last couple of weeks, I've been studying at home most hours. I'm also budgeting to pickup software for at home development. I want to be able to continue my development should I get laid off.

Since the impending layoffs have dominated the work vibe, I thought I'd share something many of us will go through now and again in life: self confidence doubts and shaking faith in your skills.

I'll be honest: I had--for a moment--some doubt about my work ethic. I started to feel blue about it, I started some self doubt. I felt it starting to take hold.

Then, I realized the truth: I was lying to myself. I have NO failed projects or assigned work. I have NOT let my teammates down when they have questions--I help. When I have questions--they help.

My banked STO (Scheduled Time Off) is high--OK, it's at the top limit--because I like my job and teammates. I have also learned a lot and studied a lot on my own time. I have not failed in that regard either.

Self doubt is a lie you torture yourself with.

My skills rock. I can learn anything. I have not failed in the work. Work may fail me. They may cut me loose, they may not. That simple uncertainty had me doubting myself. Foolish.

No more.

You should never doubt yourself. Go out and do what you want. Live to have fun and enjoy the moment. Live for love, live for laughs, live well.

If you fail, keep at it. It's learning. They say you can't ski until you fall. That's truth.

Learning is simple, but my student's used to get frustrated by not being able to do something--ego said they should be able to it without challenge...that they should know it. When you are learning, you have to realize that you don't know it, you can't do it, but you're learning how to do it; if it were otherwise then you would have known it.

Tangent aside, now it's time for me to find what my next path will be and what my goals will be. The resume is underway (I have a new draft to review) and letters of recommendation have been gathered in case they are needed for a hunt.

I wonder if the tax return has come? Time to check.

Good morning all, may your day be fun!

My best.

Computer work, networks, laptops, and time

2008-04-01T18:23:00.007-05:00

Well, I've spent the last two nights securing and redoing my home network and my laptop computer. Tomorrow, I order new RAM for the laptop and a repeater for the network and then I'm ready to go.

I'll then have everything set up for starting to use my home network as originally intended and it'll be as locked down as it can get. The pay off to the computer hassles? I'll be able to start writing and developing the art projects from anywhere; believe me, that makes a difference as I don't relish coming home and being stuck at a desk after leaving the 3/4 padded walls of the lavender cube.

In point of fact, I'm writing this from my newly streamlined laptop. It lends itself to productivity and relaxation. I know that sounds like a contradiction, but it's not. If you're a code monkey, you'll understand.

Damn it, if I could code tax free from a Bahama beach, I'd be there.

I'll also be able to start developing the portfolio and websites for the job hunting in case the layoffs come.

You can not get caught flat footed and I fully intend on getting the ball rolling on my stuff just in case the worse happens. I have to say, it's mighty nice to have the laptop up and running again. I've missed this little beast.

I'll be doing Flash games after getting my site set up and designed. After that it'll be some Flex development, some .NET development, and continuing Java learnings--oh, don't forget the Adobe CS3 Master Suite either.

If "Something Wicked This Way Comes" then I want to be ready.

The writing will not fall by the wayside either as I have the softwares installed on the laptop and I'll eventually be bringing it to work as well and noodle on it during lunches.

The creative slant may be my future again, but I'd hate to lose such a great team, friends, and work environment. It's been a great job with great colleagues. A huge amount of talent for a nonprofit shop.

Ces la Vie. That's life if they layoffs come. Life can throw you sudden changes. You have to roll with it. To cite the oracle of the modern age: "The Brady Bunch"--when it's time to change, you have to rearrange who you are and what you're going to be.

Squeak on the proper spot and you've got it.

The sheer brilliance of that little ditty came through to me on a -40 below morning whilst scrapping my windshield with a driver's license (note to self, hot water freezes amazingly quick and doesn't clear windows in arctic weather).

On the personal note, bring on spring baby! Bring the BBQ, bring the sun, bring the cool gloaming, and we'll tip a glass to the sunset and the coming morrow.

Announced Layoffs - My neck on the block?

2008-03-28T06:48:00.003-05:00

Well, some people have heard this already, but my work has announced impending layoffs. They will happen.

This has dampened my creative stuff for the short term. I have things still under way, but my focus must be on my professional preparations should the worse happen to me. I have a lot to do--my adaptability is a fantastic trait, it just requires preparation to be able to move and not get caught flat footed...Read the tea leafs, listen to the winds, watch the stars, anticipate the tides, create some bolt holes.

I honestly think my neck is on the block this time which is quite stressful. Our team has not yet been touched, but that will change this time as this first wave of layoffs and changes is a pure numbers cut. There will be further cuts down the road as they decommission applications and reduce duplication. Members (or maybe whole teams) will be moved on when their applications are gone.

The timeline is 90-120 days. I'm circling my wagons and am trying to save cash--at a more advanced rate--to prepare, just in case.

It is not a time anyone can feel safe in their position. There is one factor that could save me, but I'm left to wonder what the landscape will be like after the changes...how many bad weeks will there be? What happens when the environment and management is changed? Management changes alone can take a good job, team, and environment into a bad area. I've seen a new manager destroy teams and morale in amazingly short times. I've been in a nasty environment before and have no desire to be so again--it's miserable.

Hell, Gair and Heather have been through such environments as well. And that happened after they'd been at their respective jobs for almost a decade if I recall correctly. It can switch on a dime.

May that not happen here.

My team, my management, and my job have been quite good; I'd hate for anyone on the team to be laid off and I have no desire to have it happen to me either. I bring a lot of skills to the table, but--again--this round of layoffs is a business decision, not a personal one; it's all about the numbers baby. I expect the layoffs to be bigger than announced actually when I look at the strategic reasons they have cited for making the reductions.

Because of all this stress and uncertainty, my insomnia has been brutal since the announcement 2 weeks ago. There is so much to do. I went 72 hours on about 7 hours of sleep (9 hours at the most ) and had a couple of nights of no sleep. This is not normally what keeps me up in the general flow of my insomnia, but this time it is. I'm still trying to recover the hours. Today, the gas station guys thought I looked very tired--I am.

I have been to the doc the week to get some aid for the most stressful nights. It's helped. Thank God.

The times are uncertain. The stress is high. It's been a very tough year (from last May to now)--and a horrid 2 weeks. It isn't all black gloom though; there are good things happening as well.

I am most glad for the weekend and will be taking some serious time to relax, try to let it go, and get started on further preperations to hit the ground running in case I'm laid off and have to change tracks.

Next week, taxes.

Wish me luck on all fronts.

Ray Bradbury and the Zen of Writing, Script Writing, and Trying to Find a Topic

2008-03-15T02:16:00.005-05:00

Spent some of the day flipping through a great book by Ray Bradbury: The Zen of Writing.

I'm reminded just how good he is in his writing.

I'm also seeing much more of my own style in his. I came to Ray's work very late in life and my personal tone, style, and voice were already in place (from High School to the Universities), so what am I seeing in myself that I see in him?

I see, in his writing, so much flow and fun; feelings that I feel when I'm writing. He's easy, effortless, and just slick. His imagination is fantastic, his capturing of images quick and his mood vibrant and clear.

I think of him as the Godfather of the Twilight Zone (a show that freaked me out to no end as a kid--and a show that I love to this day) and all of the twisted mind game stuff that came out with Hitchcock and Philip K Dick. Not to mention Heinlein and so many others.

I still think the mind games the Martians play are brilliant.

Bradbury took on some bigger issues in having his fun as well. His social commentary, cynicism, and humor is in there, but it's nuanced and really only touched upon in most works (aside from the flickering heat of Fahrenheit 451, which was spot on and eerily prescient).

If I am anything, I am but fading ink on the stretched, tanned, hide of the Illustrated Man. May I live to be a lasting Tat.

As to my blogs--and Internet presence as a whole--I'm pretty certain I'm running fast and loose on the 'net. I'm more than comfortable that this blog is just noise in the wind. Naught, but a slight stink caught from the Heads before the ship sails thorough and the waste eddies by.

This is a good thing. I expect no readership here and I don't intend on building one, but who-the-Hell knows what will come.

I've come to think that, in Blogging, you must be open and closed all at once--like a girl's favorite date blouse. Show a little, hide a little, create an ambiance, spark the desire, and lean back into the shadows of the table with a smile and glint in the eye. Who's going to know? It's between you and I.

Aside from Ray Bradbury's fantastic 11 reads in The Zen of Writing, I've been reading through a great script writing book by J. Michael Strazy....Hell, with out the yellow tome in front of me, just kiss that last name's spelling off. Sorry J. Mike. Truly, but due to some beers, a late night, insomnia, and laziness...well, the rest of your vowels will have to come up in the credits or be bought during a spin of the Wheel of Fortune. I could edit it in later, but then all my bleeding after it would be pointless.

I mean no disrespect to J. Mike as his book is a very good Script Writing book. In fact, it's the best I've read at the moment (and from my past).

I'm not sure what's really leading me to look back into my past, but I'm doing it. I'm looking at old jobs, old paths--faded trails if you will. I'm watching for where the dust clouds were.

It isn't really a nostalgia, it's more the miasma of the dawning day coming I guess.

Writing will win out in the end I think. Something is going to shift in my life for ill or will. I'm either going to stroke out or get healthy. History, in the blood at least, gives the weight to the former. My weight does too. I'm pulling for the latter and for more sun in my eyes and more miles under my feet.

The world is beckoning to me again. Why not see Europe, the Eire, London, or Prague? Why not see the Fjords or Black Forest? Why not see the windmills and horizon from a parapet? Sounds good.

I've swum in a Well of Souls (still the prettiest water I've ever seen) and seen the jungle from the top of a pyramid. I've sat in the fog on a mountain at a shrine in the hills of Japan with a good buddy. But, it's been awhile.

This distance on both the arts front and the travel winds--which have never left my fiber--and my looking down at the pile of whittling chips has led me to ask: Why not write? Why not do the movies again? Why not TV? Why not make the games?

I'm not getting younger and each spin of the globe is one I've missed.

Now to the topic. What shall this blog be? Writing? Business? A personal journal (God, those are crap, sorry but they always devolve into bitch fests for me)? How can I make each Internet spot work for me and not duplicate work?

For now, I'm thinking of making this blog (one of 2 I admit to) much more of a personal journey thing about reclaiming life and my arts; keeping it much more general than the others. My Window's Live blog will be more categorized compared to this one's much more casual wanderings.

Ok, off to bed, it's pretty damn late--even for a weekend--and I'm not sleeping well.

For any who may know me and care, there is a pain growing in my chest. Not drama, just truth. I fear the heart attack. I HAVE had it looked at. So far, it appears to be just hardening ribs (honestly). It had a longer, doctorly sounding name, but I have no idea what it was--the letters must be out drinking with J. Mike's; hopefully at some dive strip club before joining the navy (I have no idea what that means, but I'm leaving it in).

My shoulder is weak again (more physical therapy to be done...just no knife please), my house a mess, but life is good on the cob and sweet out the corners of the mouth because my muse is pulling me back into the light.

May there be love. May there be laughs. May I meet you in smiles soon.

Live well, laugh often, love much.

Wow...isomnia is horrid

2008-03-11T09:30:00.007-05:00

My recent flare up continues. I'm barely conscious at the moment.

Hands down, this has been a terrible run with my insomnia. I'm going home and crashing tonight.

The tiredness is all consuming at the moment and my brain is drifting and having trouble retaining or concentrating.

Don't get me wrong, this is not end of the world type of stuff...it's just highly annoying being a life long insomniac. There are times when it gets incredibly old.

There are also times when it's an absolute boon however: the University and parties.

Now that I'm old and getting up at 4:30AM for work though...I need more rest. No more Rock and Roll lifestyle I guess.

Hell, I should probably start looking at Florida--and prunes--if I'm such an old codger! LOL!

Maybe I just need a good Caribbean vacation and to see some bikinis.

Keep the chin up all and have a great day.

Wednesdays, the day the on call traditionally goes crazy

2008-03-05T06:30:00.004-06:00

In many ways, I think Wednesdays are the real work week's Monday. It's often the day that the pager goes nuts when you're on call. It ramps up significantly.

I've come to think of Wednesday as the day when people think, "I have to buckle down and try to get things done," because the week is rounding off.

I hope I'm wrong this week.

Gary Gyax passes today

2008-03-04T19:05:00.001-06:00

This man built the worlds of my youth.

I learned story telling, imagination, drama, team work, problem solving, bravery, tactics, and made many friends due to his work and the game he and his friends created.

It honestly brought a lot into my life and I'm still using knowledge I gained to this very day. My friends and I have many memories and laughs that we still regale each other with.

I can not type a moment of silence, but I can hold one.

I'm so very sorry for his friends and family and my thoughts are with them in their pain and loss.

Shore it up!

2008-03-04T07:12:00.004-06:00

The goal: Short posts. Simple topic.

I read this as a blogging tip and I'm going to employ it. Mostly. There will be longer posts of course, but that will be decided by the topic and my willingness to go into it.

Personal status: on call.

I did get some items knocked off the to-do list yesterday. but insomnia won last night; I had some weird pseudo tense dream thoughts as I failed to sleep. I was aware that I've been getting very hot and uncomfortable.

I will be home bound tonight as well. I do have one task to do before I head home after work, hope it goes well with the pager.

Software, books, and life. The projects move forward out of the blue.

2008-03-03T16:41:00.012-06:00

Just got a shipping notice, my upgrade for Movie Magic Screenwriter 6 is on the way (a good program for more than screenplays).

I also had a book come in that I forgot getting, it's all about digital film making. I'm curious to see what steps the Independent film world is taking in this area as I've been waiting for home technology on this to be in place since 1996 (because of my days at the University).

When I was at the University, I was one of 12 students allowed access to--and trained on--the Avid editing suite; at that time, the Avid was brand new, highly expensive, and extremely protected at St. Cloud State (the best media production studios in the 5 state area at that time). We were lucky to have it and it was an honor to be chosen to be taught it. Avid changed my world and outlook. Honestly. I was stoked. Digital was the way baby!

I couldn't wait until my home computer could handle it without the costs of the $25,000 1gig drives. I can't recall the size of the IBM digital editing suite's drives off hand--nor even the name of the program itself (was it something fire?)--though we used it at the station in my professional TV days. I say with certainty, the drives were freaking--heart stoppingly--expensive.

Around about 2000-2003, the home tech really started to become a reality and I was waiting to step back into the field. I have owned Priemiere Pro as of a couple of years ago (and hope to upgrade to the Adobe master suite this year). I finally have have a decent no budget/low budget side project that popped into my head as the last few days dropped off the calendar last year.

Ideas come to me at odd times and often out of the blue, this was one. It came at a time when all of my side projects derailed and coughed up their last gas fumes and died in stagnation.

On an aside, and for all independent art drivers, it's very hard to get projects rolling with others. One of you is usually the driven one, the hyped one, the rest--all to often--end up being behind it, but they're really kind of just along if it moves forward--kind of along for the ride if you will. It's not personal too often, but life gets in the way (something we all understand) and your project is not a priority in their life, it's more of a hobby idea.

I'm certainly not alone this notion, but it's very hard to be the sole driver on these projects and ideas---it can be very isolating and quite test your morale. It gets a bit lonely at times and you'll have to push through it.

Back to the idea that came to me--it's a pretty decent one in truth. However, it will have a tendency towards melodrama which scares me (falling into melodrama would kill it), but I think it can be shot in fragmented stages and with a very--and I mean very--minimal budget.

It will, because of these limits, be an extremely art house slanted picture (with experimental pinches of flavor). I have some research to do on some specific older films to study the techniques they employed (so I may be joining Netflix or the just employing the library--depending on their stock) and will start the pre-writing phases after I log in the research time.

It'll be very curious stepping back out into this world. Shoot, it's been interesting stepping out into the blog/cyberworld after shadowing it for so long. I'm am still surprised at how many forward steps I've had in place for so long.

Will I learn anything new from this particular book? Probably not much, but I have a long history with this field. I will learn of new 'techs and some new ways I hope, but even one--or two--gleaned items will be fantastic.

Tonight though, I take it easy. I'm on call. I'm tethered to the home.

I hope to relax and recover with some French comedies (The visitors and The Diner Game); the insomnia was horrific last night (Hell, it has been all year) and I barely slept. I've been tense all day because of it and I'm starting to feel like my health is really waning. I just don't feel...right...if that makes sense.

They say sleep issues like mine take years off of your life. IF that's true...what's it mean for somebody who hasn't really slept since he was 17?

This is completely tangential, but I'm still bummed to all Hell that I gained 11 pounds in 3 days recovering from oral surgery--how the heck does that happen on no food? I have lost 6 though over the last couple of weeks.

If I've said it once, I'll say it a thousand times: I don't eat enough. I hate eating.

Why? Because I used to get sick within 20 minutes of eating--every time. For a decade and a half (note, I'm not exaggerating the time here). See how much food appeals to you after that. It's a very Pavlovian response.

I got that under control though (I think). They used to suspect Gluten intolerance--but that wasn't it and I can eat without getting ill--but I hate the time it takes now; everything should cook in one minute max! Give me the Jetson's 3 pills of a full course meal and I'd be set.

Tangent done.

Back to "the projects" as I call them, I'm interested to see where they take me and how they develop. Once I get my home projects done (please God, let that be by this spring for once) and have some items in storage as I sell crap off...I'll be excited to see how the projects grow when they're under my direct focus instead of this baby-stepping crap. Especially since I didn't even realize I had made progress last year! Damn it, I want to know I'm making progress.

As part of my continuing War history research, I've started The First World War by Keegen. Pretty good right now, hope it holds.

Upgrading a software and my artistic project life

2008-03-01T10:55:00.006-06:00

Yeah, I'm spending some more hard earned cash on a writing tool (and in keeping my software suites up to date); now it's time to pray for a decent tax return so I can finally upgrade my Adobe Master Suite this year.

The current upgrade cost is for a very good program I bought way back in my TV/Film/Video days. The upgrade is reasonable and the tool is still one of the best (and easy to use) for many types of writing projects: Movie Magic Screenwriter.

I think I own their whole product line from back in the days and I've come to find each of them fairly useful for helping me in planning, writing, brainstorming, and producing many times. The one I think is the least useful is the Word Menu program that people love; it might be good, who knows, I think I just don't know how to use it well (I certainly haven't wasted enough time on it yet).

I tend to find Merriam Webster's computer dictionary quicker and dead simple.

Word Menu is better for finding words you just can't pull of the tip of your tongue when you need it for a particular area.

Timing of things in the world is odd, it appears I'm being called back into the writing and film areas based on some omens and folk I've had the pleasure to meet in the last couple of years.

Just recently, in conversations with my friend Ava (and a new found contact Marly), I came to realize something that had managed to really escape my consciousness and focus: I hadn't thought I'd made any progress on the writing front for the last number of years, but I realized I had been sneaky and actually had chipped away at about 6 separate projects.

Hell, I was advancing and had no clue! Freaking wild--I snuck up on myself again.

I know that it's been in my thoughts though. I've been watching some threads of happening start to coalesce in the last couple of years, but every side project I'd started with a hoped for partner had fallen away and into stagnation. Still, the personal ones had been slowly stepping forward.

I have to remember that you don't see a river's shift until you look at historical maps. It's generally a very gradual process noted only in hindsight: like an economic recession.

Stepping into my Internet prescence due to setting up an event on my Windows Live Space

2008-02-28T08:20:00.005-06:00

Having recently started using my Windows Live Space for creating a party event, I decided to try developing content for my criminally unused Blogger site as well (I'm going to explore all aspects of my Gmail options); my intention is to compare and contrast my options and see if I come to any conclusions.

Creating the event in my Windows Live Space was pretty neat. I like the options and the threaded conversations you can have. It led me to start creating content and now it's led me to creating content here as well. The bad part is that it will most likely lead me to Twitter, MySpace, and Facebook (which will make those who've invited and requested me to start this stuff finally happy).

Ah well, my net presence is growing. I tend to like a lower profile actually, but might as well step out into the world again. There's a lot of noise out there anyway so I should be able to stay in a decent comfort zone for a bit.

I do have a ton of work to do on personal design and I'd wanted to get that in place before I started all of these items. I've had these items (blogger.com, windows live, twitter, and such) set up and ready to go since 2005, but I hadn't rolled the weapons out until now.

Welcome

2006-05-19T13:48:00.001-05:00

Eventually, I'll get to this blogging stuff and start filling in details. Right now, I just don't have time.

So why did I even bother doing this? Well, I just wanted to set one up to hold my place.